He leads me beside quiet waters

flowers do make a girl’s day! i went to the singapore garden fest (www.singaporegardenfestival.com) at the suntec convention hall yesterday evening with yufen and i’m so glad that we made it! plus the fact that it was cheaply priced.. hoho cheap thrills ($3 only for students, and $6 for adults). there were horticulture of sorts, mostly exotic species. and plentiful of orchirds which were entered into competitions! too bad we had only 2 hours to explore before the place closed at 10pm. anyway, i took about 200 pictures of the displays but shall just show few of the nice ones with both of us. the other pictures were mostly flowers only, or either one of us in the picture cos there were only the 2 of us and we didn’t want to bother passers-by too much. ok beautiful things don’t need much explanation, so enjoy the pictures!

this morning, i woke up to feeling a bit uneasy about things. i had brought back a bag of work to do – things to type into excel and to prepare for my important ppt presentation on my last day of work for the whole dept. and i did not even take out the documents out of the bag, not the least bit! i only brought back the same bag to office today. probably i had been naive thinking that i would finish things over the weekend, when in fact i had been busy with other things. ahhh.. what if i had planned my time properly? what if i did not wake up so late? what if… what if…?

such thoughts of regrets just add on to my current pool of gnawing thoughts. like how, after i changed my spectacles – which not many have noticed – one ehem, very honest friend spelt this new pair out as T-O-O-T (yes TOOT), with another in agreement. sigh i know, and i do regret changing them. at least the old pair made my peepers look bigger? and hid my dark eye bags? or so that’s what i think. so much for wanting a fresh image for the start of term. i even entertained thoughts of buying another new pair!

and then there was the iris health checkup yesterday which my mom and i went for. it is a health technique called iridology (wikipedia: an alternative medicine technique whose proponents believe that patterns, colors, and other characteristics of the iris can be examined to determine information about a patient’s systemic health). and yes, as unbelievable as how the technique sounds, the iridologist successfully persuaded my mom and i to get some products for our health. some expensive products which cost a 4-digit bomb, and now we are supposed to consume tablets every day and night for a month before visiting him for another follow-up session. and then this morning i was checking up on websites and conclusion is that such method is not exactly accurate! argh. i should have checked up on the technique before going for the checkup, warned my mom and prevented her from spending that crazy money. another “what if…” just appeared on my mind…

i don’t know about the first, but the second and third incident could just fall under the category of cognitive dissonance, where according to marketing theory one regrets his actions after buying something, especially a big-label item. this kind of things usually happens to people susceptible to impulsive buying, who realise after buying the item is not what they need and thus regret the amount spent. ok, i think that’s referring to me right?

so many whatifs, decisions i wish i had known better earlier. and i’m sure all of us have experienced times when we made decisions which we regretted after a while, or even immediately. like how we know that certain things are not beneficial for ourselves and yet we choose that. like how we choose to take things into our hands instead of waiting upon God and trusting Him for His best plans, and because of our impatience things get messed up and we come back to God asking for His help. like how we, as finite beings, think we know best and yet we don’t. we can’t even know what is going to happen tomorrow, what more plan for a solid detailed 5-year plan? i’m not saying that we don’t plan, certainly i believe in the importance of planning ahead (yea fail to plan, plan to fail). but the point is to allow God to guide us and even change our plans as He wills, as we live our lives each day. we can only know what is happening at the present, looking at the situation presented in front of us. but God knows everything, He has laid out each one’s future and He wants to assure us that He has the best in store for us. i may not understand the things that i am going through, the pain which i feel today. but, one thing i know is that God is there for me and that alone is sufficient for me to live each day. 

so, what if… we take our eyes off ourselves and focus on God instead?

what if… we allow Him to take the lead, to steer the wheel of our lives? 

what if… we learn to draw strength from Him today?

our life still goes on, no matter how many disappointments and burdens we carry. but God has promised us that when we walk with Him and seek Him, He will carry our burdens and we will find joy in Him. joy that is not based on circumstances - that would be a emotional roller-coaster ride when we are happy only when things go well - but true joy that is found in believing in what God has done for us and what He is able to do. 

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

i pray that every one of you reading this will be touched by God today and to allow your whatifs on your life situations to change into whatifs for God to come to touch your life, and to experience the rest which God has intended for you.

just about half an hour ago, my office floor had a power failure! it happened at a time when i was in my hardworking-intern-wannabe mode, fingers busy keying figures into the excel spreadsheet. rarity at its best, and the blackout had to come then! thank God for auto-save in my comp! PHEW. and so immediately after all connections were lost (msn, email, internet… basically all electricity save for the toilets and pantry backup lights), i could hear people around me complaining about the new state, “AH SHIT… i haven’t sent out my email!” “what are our property management guys doing!” and all colourful expressions of frustrations amidst the darkness. no one could continue with their work except those who had their laptops running on battery, and the pantry auntie, least affected victim, who stayed in where everyone flocked to for some kind of solace (to wash their cups? at least the taps were running). and i heard people shuffling to other cubicles to seek company or scurried to the lift to proceed for a timely (and legitimate) kopi break. haha, me? i just went over to some other interns’ desk for a little chat, and paid the pantry auntie a visit too.

point about this experience is, i am intrigued by how when all our connections (mainly virtual, through the internet) are taken away, we are forced to start connecting to others in the truest and most basic form: face-to-face communication. it was when the ’silent’ communications were gone that people started the ‘verbal’ communications with one another in the office. no more shooting of words through cold emails or smileys to show (or even hide) your emotion on msn. alternative forms of connection taken away, and true connection starts to forge. and i wouldn’t have talked that much to my colleagues nor spent that much time with the pantry auntie in a normal day without a power failure. and all this happened within 30 minutes.

ah, the control of technology over us! EVIL. making us slaves of technology! oh wait, that sounds disturbingly like a GP essay topic. urgh don’t remind me.

hahaha anyhow, you get what i mean?

and so, life is back to normal. at least back to a most ‘comfortable’ way of connecting with people. like how i continue chatting on msn, like how i come to wordpress to blog, like how i show my happiness over the return of electricity like this: (^.^)V

mm and the office is silent once again.

oh yes. this was one exciting event which happened over the weekend – baking at cherie’s place on sunday afternoon! we learnt to make william chocolate cherry cake using juan’s recipe (the book named the cake william, beats me), and it turned out really yummy! basically, it was a chocolatey cake with lots of melted chocolate chips and melted baking chocolate, with pitted cherries stuffed within. ooh chocolate!

i’m not a very baking person cos my house doesn’t have an oven, and i wanted to try my hands at baking (and secretly hoping to find a niche in it?), so we girls arranged for this. and i’m glad that it turned out to be a success! though there were definitely shrieks of “oh no, egg shell dropped inside!” “where’s the weighing machine/sieve/baking pan.. here? or, here?” “ah, is that a chao da smell? hurry check the oven!”. we had oodles of fun! especially the end when we savoured our creation, all the while watching some channel on tv talking about best ways of growing cocoa (FYI did you know there is such a thing called the chocolate belt – a region across the globe suited for growing those beans?) and tasting chocolate (something along the lines of, “eating chocolate is like slowly allowing the different flavours to touch the tips and edges of your tongues.. creating a symphony of tastes and flavours bursting which makes you go… mmm… mmm…”). honestly, i never knew eating chocolate could create such slow-motion to that effect. you should see the expressions of the people on the tv, so dramatic! it’s a bit like those tourists eating fresh sashimi on Japan Hour, who go “OISHII” with their eyes closed and face muscles squeezed together, fully concentrating on chewing each morsel in their mouths, which just ends up making yourself feel depressed because you are stuck in Singapore probably eating instant noodles, while they get all the good food and hot springs. haha ok i’m exaggerating. oh well, but watching a tv show on chocolate while eating our cake did make me want to experiment with their chocolate-tasting tips, to master the art of tasting chocolate. and i bet juan and cherie were doing the same! YUM YUM.

hahaha.. but it was a good time spent with the girls. and if any of you are interested in having the recipe, let me know!

as promised, here are some photos from goforth! here at suntec convention hall, where i spent my 3 days away from the office keeping my hands off excel spreadsheets, powerpoints and emails, just to be with God and those friends whom i treasure so much. it has been some time!

at the risk of sounding like an overly-hyped up school girl, i was really stirred by the vision for Asia – hearing God’s heartbeat and feeling His love for the people, and how we all are called to missions (everyone is called to missions, not all are called to be missionaries). personally, i responded to the call to be more committed to the field, whether as a go-er/mobiliser/equipper. it’s really amazing how, when it was time for people to respond, the Holy Spirit quickened my heart and there was the tangible warm yet gentle feeling, once again that recognisable gush from within that i knew could only have come from God, which spurred me to go to the front to be prayed for. it was supernatural. and i obeyed and stepped forward!

aye, i know the path ahead will not be rosy, but neither will i be alone in this. taking steps one at a time!

i said a prayer before posting this. i didn’t know what to type, and i didn’t want to sound like i’m okay when i’m not.

i’m still recovering from the news, bit by bit. it’s times like this when i need God all the more. and i’m clinging on so dearly to Him now, knowing that He is the only constant in my life. i thank God for the people who have taken time to speak to me, and even pray for me over this weekend. thank you all, really.

the end of something is the beginning of another.

ohayou gozaimasu! (a bright chirpy morning greeting to all either busy: 1. working 2. slacking 3. sleeping)

God is so real y’know. for the goforth missions conference (http://goforth.org.sg) held at suntec convention hall from today till sat (i’m going from tmr onwards), i have seen how He made a way for my dearest brothers and sisters who are interested in missions to attend and be blessed by it.

yufen: she recently switched jobs, and her new company allows her to start work on the week starting on the 21st instead of earlier this week, meaning she can attend the full conference without worrying about taking leave during work. there is more to the story of how her previous company didn’t want to release her, but thankfully all is settled now. it’s God!

yeuann: he performed well in one of his recent projects at work, and his boss gave him a bonus PLUS 2 days’ leave to reward his effort, which made it possible for him to use the leave for the goforth conference, and to use the bonus to support his kenya missions trip and get a new hearing aid. it’s God again!

guan: she also is working, and somehow, her company didn’t need her to work this week from today to fri, until they give her further notice on sunday whether they need her back. i repeat, it’s God beyond epic proportions!

can you see how God’s fingerprints are everywhere? my skin just tingled with excitement when i heard these testimonies of God providing for His beloved children. people always say coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous, but i wouldn’t say this is mere coincidence, like just-nice-i-got-leave-nothing-to-do-so-attend-conference-lor, cos most of these people i know are people who have the passion for God’s work in the missions field, made their mind to attend the conference right from the start, and believed God would do His thing to get them to the conference. and sure He did!

okay i’m about to do some kind of arm-flailing happy dance thinking about it.

i’m just excited when i sense big things from God coming my way. and the next 3 days will be BIG. big visions from a big God! of course, with plenty of good fellowship and catching up with friends: puay, ash, yufen, yeuann, guan, and sarah who’s leaving for cambodia right after. can it get any better?

oh man, this day is going to be long! hurry, pass faster!

this morning, i am scratching my head trying to think of what to write. ah no, writer’s block so fast? it’s been only less than a week!

ok, maybe breakfast would be an interesting topic, since i’m munching on my naan curry bread from breadtalk (result of buying 10 bread to get their $10 voucher for their 8th anniversary promotion. very auntie, i know). and my neighbour and i are playing a guessing game through msn.

neighbour: mine has peanuts in it

me: mmm

me: bing jiang kueh

neighbour: so smart!!!

neighbour: hahah

neighbour: what u eating negh (i don’t know what is this word, just copied and pasted from our msn convo)

… (and after a few rounds…)

neighbour: nan?

me: bingo!

neighbour: wah sai!

neighbour: realli tough to guess

neighbour: hahaha

me: HAHA

so yes, breakfast entertainment at work! one example of how i survive the slow mornings each day. it’s always checking emails, logging into msn and see who’s online to kill boredom for me, and (now) blogging. err and of course, doing some work!

anyway, back to the topic of breakfast. i actually brought 2 and a half bread to work today (ate them all and i feel like sleeping now). half cos one of them was half-eaten by my mom. and she just packed those bread for me. it gets me thinking, about a mom’s love for her child. how it is shown in the way she, for lack of a better word, kiasu-ly provides me the best that she can, even to the point of stuffing food down my throat and fattening me up like that. but i know she always means best! and ashamedly, i’m not one to be expressive in my appreciation and this is the best i can get, penning it down here to let all of you know what a giving mom i have. God tells us to honour our parents, and i think one good way to honour is by expressing our appreciation for what they have done. i know i still have some way to go before i can unabashedly tell her eyeball to eyeball with all sincerity, THANKS MOM FOR EVERYTHING. right now, this dream scenario only happens during 2 occasions per year when i feel the pressure to do something: mothers’ day and her birthday. and you know, besides assurance from God, girls do need assurance from people more often than that.

waiting and praying for that day to come! for my skin to grow thicker and heart to be more expressive that is.

since i made it a point to blog every morning at work, and i haven’t done so this morning, i shall start writing again. okay fine, it’s just my excuse to slack!

and… this week is my eighth week at work! means three more weeks before i ‘ORD’ and say bye-bye to all the good food at bugis. going to work everyday ain’t that a chore when you’re having fun. well at least that’s what i like to believe. fun is a subjective term, but you can’t deny that having fellow interns to lunch with (or even to share chips with) and amicable colleagues (like my neighbour, who sits next to my cubicle, entertains me through MSN cos we are blocked by the partition, and occasionally plays music loud enough from her comp so i can hear) are a great way to relieve, paradoxically, stress-cum-boredom at work! thus i can say that i’ll miss this place when i officially leave on the 8th aug 2008 (auspicious date. huat ah!). i will miss the people, and most importantly, my oh-so-comfy and private cubicle and seat where i made myself truly at home. well, i will miss everything (including the executive toilet which plays nice classical music) EXCEPT the pathetic pantry which has only hot water dispenser, milo and coffee powder, and some green/lipton tea satchets. brrr i always feel sad stepping into that place. the only plus is that i get to chat with the pantry auntie, “have you eaten lunch? today office very cold hor” and hear her friendly replies.

so there, i should start cherishing things around me before they are gone. and it applies to other things in life as well, doesn’t it? sometimes, as humans, we do need some shaking up from God, to help us face the reality that time is short and we got to treasure what we have at the present. to see the urgency in doing things too. time is of the essence! 

by the way, blessing of the day: cherie came to have lunch with me at bugis! we were deciding what to eat at yoshinoya when we chanced upon the magical words, STUDENT SAVERS’ MEAL AT $4.95, and we just had to go for it! never mind that i was in office attire and that i was feeling a little embarassed being overly happy about the deal, i AM a student and i got the ezlink card to prove! and in case you are wondering, the blessing i’m talking about is not the savings lah. it’s the company! the silly girl even whipped out her camera to take photos of bloated us after the meal. hahah, thanks for the lovely lunch date. appreciate it!

okay, back to work. need to stay awake and fight the zz monster!

i realise that i DO love days when i have no plans at all. like today, i opened my eyes wide in shock when i woke up to the reality that i slept away 12 full hours and my mom conveniently gave me a so-called morning greeting by saying, “eh go and buy lunch k”. haha, it was 1pm all right!

BOO i’m such a pig.

but, it feels good to be a pig at times! today, i slept in late, made new specs (not much difference from my current pair, you guys will see it soon), went to my fav bakery, bought my fav bread and found a quiet spot at the bakery to read while eating, and went shopping! by the way, my favourite bakery is this Mama’s bakery at novena square 2. not a very original name for a bakery, i’d say. sounds like some name for a barely-surviving neighbourhood cake shop in toapayoh, but it has real lovely fluffy bread of sorts! like their chocolate bread which is an all-time favourite with customers and of course, me. the owner of the shop is an elderly Japanese lady too, who will sometimes go up to customers and ask in Japanese how’s the bread, “dou desu ka? oishii desu ka?” hahaha. definitely a plus factor for Japan-lovers like me. so.. if you have the time, do visit it! yufen, who’s an avid bread-lover, loves it too.. so yes, go to Mama!

ok back to my day. i really thank God for this day of relaxing and rest albeit the sluggish morning. the past week has been busy for me in the evenings, with a lot of receiving from God, in terms of going for corporate prayer and worship and learning the Word. and God has also been speaking to me in areas, especially missions! ah don’t get me started on missions, cos i am REALLY excited about it right now, and i don’t know where to start and end. lol i will update more about this topic once i come back from goforth conference, i promise!

talking about goforth, puay and i were thinking about how it is similar to a church camp since it’s from morning 9am to night 9.30pm (think work plus OT 3.5 hours!), just that we don’t have accomodation after that. and puay says she is thinking about camping at the esplanade underground area where people do breakdancing. seriously! i told her that, don’t think the conference is refreshing for her means she can go for the conference looking fresh and not having to bathe/washup/whatever.. hahahah.

sometimes the longer you know someone, the weirder you think he/she is! okok, kidding!